Life, According To Christopher

DEAR JOURNAL,

       I AM BACK. SUPRISE!

        I cant stand it no more to be away from this blog. I finally got my domain owner, DANIEL to put my blog back up just as it was since I miss writing. I know the doctor doesn’t want me to blog, but I cant stand to be away from it any longer. I just got home sick and I really miss blogging.

        I guess, after you get use to writing for so long, you just miss it when you quit writing for I dont even remember how long that it has been since I quit writing.

      SHE SAYS that I was giving out too much info. I think that she really meant the private entries and not the public entries. In the public entries I really didn’t you know put that much information out. I know I got a nasty comment from someone that I trusted I guess I am just going to have to get thick skin and learn how to ignore the ignorant comments, I blocked this person off my facebook and deleted their comments just like the doctor told me. This person we know from JLAND… I am not going to give names but….. I didn’t appreciate their comments… And I got them good in an email and told them how I really felt then just blocked them.

        But I learned from my parents ( Well “ L “ )  that I don’t have to take her ( THE PHYCHRIATRIST)  advice. I can take the parts out that I want to believe and not believe and go from there. I don’t like have to let everything the doctor says and take it like ITS THE GOSPEL or something.I thought that I had to take everything that the doctor said and take it as the GOSPEL and believe what she said to me.

     Its getting real late…

    I am writing this the night before…  Its 3/8/2010 and about 11:52 PM CST.

       Tomorrow… I have on my plate… I have to go see the shrink.. Oh joy… Its been over 3 weeks so its about time I go back and see what she has to say.. I have to say I have been though a lot the last 2 weeks…

      I went though a period where I was pacing and couldn’t sit down. I mean I would constantly walk the floors of the house back and forth back and forth… The doctor put me on Celexa…. I guess the Celexa finally got into my brain because for one min I was pacing and then the next min I was ok….. Just BOOM…. IT HIT ME….. And the pacing finally stopped and it hasn’t came back yet. So I guess that is good.

      I am starting to walk more… I walk around my block at least 5 to 6 times a day… Just to get out and to get fresh air and exercise.. I have a bad feeling that is what the PACING was replaced with is that I walk around.

        I swear I cant sleep… Its after midnight now…… And here I am still awake… I am glad that my SHRINK appointment is at 1:00 PM and I finally got MOMMIE DEAREST in and she gets seen by my shrink at 1:15 PM tomorrow. I finally got her to go and get her off zoloft because it wasn’t working for her.

          I have tried taking BENEDRYL……. AND a prescription ambien and it just doesn’t work for me. ugh….. I need to try this free lunesta prescription that I printed out that I heard on a lunesta commercial tomorrow.

       Well, I guess I need to get to bed before its 1 am…

Welcome Home,

Christopher

Hey everyone,

    Well, today started off real good… I went to my normal physician and when I got called back, I weighed in and I have lost 9 pounds since October. I am now 263.8….  YAY… Also I have to go to some other weird clinic on 19th of March to get blood work for Thyroid ( AGAIN ) , and Cholesterol, and for my Norvasc ( Blood Pressure Med). and my Liver, and Kidney Function tested too.

    The place that I am having to go to is so booked up they cant get me in until March. Damn.

       Anyways. I had a bout of depression tonight. =[

       I was worried if I would get to see tomorrow  or not and what would happen if something was to happen to me would everything continue as normal without me. I got scared and balled my eyes out till they stung and talked to MOMMIE DEAREST

      I think also reading this cool book that L checked me out at the library brought it on too cause its dealing with some death in the book. its a great book to read check it out if you can find it…..

        Just be warned if you start to read it, it deals with COPS AND HOMOCIDE and people dying by Broke Necks or Gunshots to the head.

Its a good read so far.. I am reading the large Print version

From Publishers Weekly

Det. Kitt Lundgren and her partner, Mary Catherine Riggio, of the Rockford, Ill., Violent Crimes Bureau pursue a serial killer ripped from Internet urban legend in this unconvincing thriller from bestseller Spindler (Copycat). When Riggios too-good-to-be-true fiancé is caught in the line of fire, the shooting at first appears to be unrelated to the murder spree of Breakneck, who targets computer-savvy 20-somethings. Of course, the connection is immediately obvious to readers, if not the veteran staff of the VCB. Lundgrens preoccupied with mending her broken marriage while ambling toward career burnout, and Riggio doesnt hesitate to throw out the procedural rulebook, eschewing her police training in a desperate search for the truth. Spindler strays from her comfort zone in tackling the mysterious world of cyber crime. Casting disaffected youth as criminal masterminds doesnt ring true, while descriptions of technology and its applications are painstakingly overexplained. (Jan.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

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     I think My Doc who keeps adjusting my meds I think is what also could of  brought on this imbalance….

Which is not good.

     I have hope that I am going to be AN OLD GEEZER and I had to calm myself down by taking my Clonazeapam for anxiety and my Lithium. Because people in my family have lived as long life and died in their 80s and 90s. I do wish I could live forever Cause I see nothing but good in the world and potential for good in the world.

     I guess I am ok now.. I have NOT been depressed or a sad thought like that since I found out I was BIPOLAR back in November.

      Well also I got a survey in the mail today from AUSTIN ( Texas’s Capital )  to fill out for my SSI…. It was like 14 or so FLIPPIN PAGES long…. 

     I AM NOW ( When I mail it off tomorrow )  one step closer to having my SSI…

I am just wanting to hurry up though this process. BLAH!!!

     Well I guess that is all for now……

Just thought I would make a simple update,

Christopher

……. Just a little secret the ( INSERT YOUR STATE) DOT

HASN’T REALLY TOLD ANYONE…

GUESS WHAT ITS CHANGING!

MAYBE YOU’VE NOTICED?

MAYBE YOU HAVENT!

— Christopher

I have thought about this and thought about this……

…… And I think I am ready to write about it.

      I figure the worst case scenario is if I get the least for my SSI that I have talked about in some of my Entries…..

     I won’t be able to make it on my own out there and plus apartments here in this town of 3,000 you gotta wait basically I was told until someone kicks the bucket before you can get an apartment. Kinda bad way of putting it if you ask me?

        MY AUNT who we shall call “ EUNICE” ( That’s not her real name ) she is on SSI  for her back and she gets a very low amount for SSI. And I have a feeling that is what they are going to give me is the lowest amount.  Because, L gets a very big amount but he has alot more things wrong with him.

      And, if I do get rewarded a low amount, I wouldn’t be able to survive out on my own.

     Plus on top of that… I think yeah, I know that MOMMIE DEAREST and L are trying to Control my life, and keep me locked in the house, I really think that they see I am ready to become a man And they have lightened up on some of the restrictions.  Yes, you heard me right,  they have gotten better and have started letting me go out more and more. So I guess that is good.

        So my plans are now, to just enjoy living here and if they act up again and start putting restrictions on me to bitch to my PDOC.

     But like I said they have been doing good. Plus I feel my mother needs me here for some reason. I just have that emotion of she needs me here for some reason.

    Well, I guess I just thought I would write and let you know whats going on and how I am feeling about things.

Until Nextime,

Christopher

   So I am sitting here in the silence of the house… All I hear around me is the heater running and me clacking away at the keys on this keyboard. I really want to take a nap but, I cant get myself to lay down and doze off. Mommie Dearest and L are laying down taking a nap.

    I am starting to wonder why I continue to write?

      I noticed that the comments are starting to get fewer and fewer. I mean yeah, I see that the big numbers are coming in from entrecard droppers but I wonder, is really anyone reading what I have to say or am I just getting drops from Entrecard and other various websites that I am on and then they leave, and don’t even take the time to read my content.  * SIGHS*.

     I mean if no one is reading and wants to take the time to comment or even just breeze though here and leave, then let me know so I can stop wasting my time writing here.

* SIGHS *

    So on to other news…..

      So me and mother are starting a diet today. She went to WAL*Mart that is local to us and picked up:

      We are going to try ALLI and just see how it goes and see if we loose any weight. I know that the doctor has told me I am way over weight, event though my body doesn’t physically look like it and I am on Blood Pressure medicine’s at the age of 26.

     I guess that me and her will start walking and start taking ALLI and hope that we loose the weight that we want to loose.

      My regular Doctor, that I am going to on the 10th,  says I am suppose, to be 190 LBS at 6 foot tall. I told her she was out of her damn mind that I would look like a twig. I am about right now 6 foot and about 275 LBS.

      Supposedly, the way that ALLI works is that it is a FAT BLOCKER and then what fat you do have you POOP IT AWAY and it doesn’t get absorbed into your body. So I guess we shall see on that.

     So after they get up from their nap, me and MOMMIE DEAREST got to run to the local grocery store and buy some paper notebooks  to keep track of what we eat and drink and to get me some MULTI VITIMINS since I was suppose to be taking them them this whole time being on all my Psychiatrist meds. Pus I am going to need them when talking Alli.

    Really, thats all I guess I have to say, I guess I will start making the entries shorter and shorter that way people dont have to read alot. Maybe that is what my problem is?

— Christopher

Hey everyone,

     Well today I finally got out of the house I went with Mommie Dearest and L to his Dialysis just to get out and not be cooped up in this house. So that was fun… And then around 8 am I went with Mommie Dearest to Quitman, which is a town over from where L goes and gets his dialysis and went with her to the local hospital, where she had a doctors appt and had to go get blood work just like I do every couple of weeks MUAHAHAHA!!!

      So basically me and Mommie Dearest were in and out of the rain all morning and then after that we just me and her to a local spot that we USE to eat at alot when we lived in Quitman and me and her had a quick breakfast and then walked down the plaza to a little store with alot of antiques in it and we looked around in there. And by that time it was time for us to head back to where L was to his Dialysis place and pick him up.

      I actually did something nice today haha I can’t believe that I did it myself.

      So when L came off his Dialysis machine… I went out to the car and I was suppose to just be sitting there waiting on them, but I am a sweet son.  And as everyone know’s MOMMIE DEAREST wont let me learn how to drive, She is afraid that I am going to go out and kill someone when I get behind the wheel.

     So I got behind the wheel, put the key in and waited for the chime to stop dinging… I then turned the key until the car started. Now if you are wondering what I am driving.. I was driving a 2008 Kia Sportage. Same color and tenting as the picture below.

    I reached up LOL and I put the Emergency Flashers on, LOL I don’t know why and then I reached down and I put the car in R. I just let it coast out and then I turned the wheel until it was straight and came to a stop when I got the back of the kia with the back facing the hill that’s up above me.

       Then I put it in drive and I gave it a little gas and I coasted up under the awning. I sat there and sat there and sat there and by that time someone needed me to go out so they could leave so I had to put the car back in drive and pull around to the side of the building. I have to say that it was A RUSH to drive.. I had really never been behind the wheel since 2007 so It was weird and I got to say that little Kia IT DOESN’T TAKE MUCH to take off LOL barely use the gas if you got one of these 4 cylinders. LOL.. trust me I learned that today.

          GOD DRIVING THAT KIA WAS SO EASY WHEN YOU LET IT COAST!!

     Mommie was kinda mad that I got behind the wheel but I think I did a good thing cause I was helping out making sure that they didn’t get wet. I was looking out for their best interests. She says now that once I get balanced on my meds that she will teach me how to drive.. YIPPEE!!

       Now were at home making this soup recipe that she found in a WOMANS DAY magazine I believe while we were sitting at the Quitman Hospital waiting on her doctors appointment. I got to say the house smells SOOO GOOD.

Well that’s all for now Mommie Dearest is wanting on

So TTYL!

— Christopher

** First off… If you’re apart of the IRC CROWD then this blog entry is for you,

if your not…

    Well  you might just move along until my next entry cause you wont understand a thing I am fixing to talk about. lol.. Sorry! **

******************************************************

Hi All,

      So its 1:37 AM CST and I am still up and I have been thinking about things and I have finally decided to go with my gut instinct and follow what my heart says.

      As some of you know…. I am a person that was all into IRC…. ( Internet Chat Relay ). I loved having friends around me to talk about anything and to get to meet new people from all over this world. It’s the best thing I have ever come across. I thought IRC was just for hackers but, let me tell you, you will find some real genuine nice people out there.

        I am sorry to say……………

       But, I decided to move my channel.

======================================

chat1.ustream.tv

#CMsPlace

============================

         Why did I choose to leave my channel on IPOC and move to Ustream?

       I decided that it was best to move to USTREAM because, I felt that it was a very neutral server and that all my friends from all over the place would be able to come and hang out with me and my bunch whenever they wanted.

        Now, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with my former network Ipocalypse. Its just that, so maybe people are banned on that network, and so many have left that network due to some of the things that the owner has pulled. It was quite hard to find the ones I WANT to be around me

       It has also gotten hard in the IRC world, to find each other , now that we had all of these “ NETWORK WARS” and THIS NETWORK IS BETTER THAN THIS ONE  and this network split into four different networks.

    Its to the point now where you have to join 4 to 5 networks to find all of your friends.

         I am sorry if you are going to bitch at me and tell me that I am dumb for moving. Fine…. That’s your loss..  You don’t have to join… I hope you will.. I would be very sad if you didn’t want to continue in our endeavors together.

     I think I have made a smart decision, and my closest friends have thought that I have made a smart decision,  because its a Neutral network and that it takes a lot to get banned off ustream and that its kind of a center meeting point for everyone to meet up and not having to worry “ Oh damn, is xxxxx banned from this network.. SHIT… I will have to find them on xxxxx”

       In the end, I hope you will follow me in our Endeavors and may our friendship blossom into even more.

Hope you understand and thank you very much,

— Christopher

Short blog entry:

    I just want to know everyone what is it with names.. Why is it:

YOU WANT TO GO BY CHRSTOPHER

but people call you CHRIS ( Which you hate )

=============================================

   Thats like calling DAVID……… DAVE

Or DANIEL— DAN

or Roger – Rog

or Alexander – Alex.

Susan = Susie, or SUS

Elizabeth = Liz

Nicole = Nikki

    =================================================

        Its for Some people and its not for some.

     Some like the short name, and some  like the longer names…….      

   I just wished people would RESPECT MY WISHES and not be a lazy ass and call me by the short version of my name. I want to be presentable and accepted and respected in the world, How hard is it to say

CHRIS-TO-PHER?

      Everything I do has CHRISTOPHER not CHRIS on it.

* Texas ID Card

* Bank Card

* Library Card

* Email Signature

* Blog title and how I sign my blog

      From this point forward..

    I REFUSE to answer to anything CHRIS… ONLY CHRISTOPHER

    I hate that short version of my name…. Always have but its just manifested up in me that finally I am to my point where I hate it.

     So please change it in your address books…. I cringe every time I see and hear Chris… Instead of Christopher

Thank you

— Christopher

So Hey All,

     Just got home… This morning me and MOMMIE DEAREST and her B.F.F. who we shall call “ MARCIE” from this entry forward went out, Marcie’s treat and we had breakfast at a little restaurant called “THE FARM HOUSE” in VAN, Texas right next to Interstate 20. Like you can see Interstate 20 from the parking lot of “ The Farm House”

     I have to say what I had was good…. 2 scrambled eggs, ( and it came with this ) bacon and sausage and hash browns and I added on the side a big bowl of Oatmeal. I tell you LOL being on all of these meds I sure the heck do eat good now, That is why I probably put on a TON OF WEIGHT now…. I so got to loose it btw!

     And Mommie Dearest had Biscuits and Ham and Eggs and we all drank Coffee and it was good and we sat there for awhile and cut up and talked and caught up. Hell, It took Mommie Dearest awhile to decide if we were going out to Lunch or just to have breakfast lol. I guess we finally settled in on Breakfast.

        So after that, we went to the Dollar Store in VAN and MOMMIE DEAREST and MARCIE found me some cute clothes, I know I am not one to shop at the dollar store for clothes but the jogging pants I got to pick out are SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE…

     And got me a couple tops, So this is a first for me shopping at the dollar store LOLLL

     I will have to take a picture of them later on and post them as another blog entry!

      And then after that we went back to Marcie’s house and I worked on getting her AOL dialup upgraded from 9.1 to 9.5.. That the bad part about living in VAN is well….. Its very rural and SUDDENSCAM , I mean SUDDENLINK doesn’t get out there that far and so in Marcie’s care she’s stuck on dialup

        Now on to blog changes…

       I got rid of INTENSE DEBATE for my comment system too many people were bitching about how hard it was to use it to leave comments on my blog.. Sorry Gazzy, I wasn’t meaning to be hard on you, yesterday wasn’t a great of a day! So now I am back to the wordpress commenting system. And I love how INTENSE DEBATE backed up my comments and so, when I got rid of I.B and went back to the WORD PRESS commenting system, it just backed those comments up in 2 places. NICE!

        I guess I will have to go back to Moderating my blog comments and reading and approving each one.. I don’t mind I dont think do you?

        Hey I made things easier for you so…. Shouldn’t be that hard to leave comments now!

     Try that on for size and let me know how it works.

    Also, about those blog entries that have passwords on them.. That’s there for a VERY GOOD REASON it means what I wrote about is PRIVATE and that I only want to let certain people that I trust read those private matters and that’s why ONLY THOSE people get an email from me with the password. I have to do it that way. I don’t want to have to have a blog that’s public and a blog that is private, when Word press can do it all on one blog!!

         And yes, I had to change my blog counter system.. I lost the password to the old one LOL so oh well.. I guess change is ok!

— Christopher